Maybe I'm just not meant to do this...

      I don't know why every single time I try to get into a workout routine, SOMETHING happens. My backs doing pretty good, but as soon as I'm finishing school, I get a terrible stomach bug. So I don't even remember when I worked out last. I'm still kind of dizzy and not feeling too great, but I have to go back to work tomorrow, which will be interesting... I'm hoping I can get back into working out on Wednesday. I just went and got a pair of the five finger shoes and I want to go walking in them! So if it's warm enough, I'll go before I go into work. I'm pretty excited. They always seemed like really cool shoes and when I tried them on once, I knew I had to get a pair. And I lucked out finding the pair I wanted, the size I needed, and on sale!

I'm hoping I can make some good use of them! Maybe next year I can do the Warrior Dash and I can wear these, but at the rate my back is going, I'm not even thinking about the race. Just focusing on getting healthy and not falling apart anymore lol.
      I am finally done with school for a month! It's so weird not having to think about it and worry about when something is due and if I did good on it. I'm just waiting back for one grade, but it looks like I got straight A's this semester, which will bump my GPA to a 3.8 so I'm very excited for that! Hopefully I can keep it up for the rest of my schooling :)
     Now that I'm done with school, perhaps I can focus a little more on my personal life... I'm not really sure what I'm going to do. What I should do. What I want to do... Back when I was 15 I gave my full heart to someone... and back then it was full of love and so pure. But over the years that heart has been dropped and slung behind and left to be stomped on, ripped to pieces... And as battered as it still is.. that one person still has it and sometimes I wish he didn't. So where do I go from here? I don't feel like anyone would ever want my heart again because it feels like it's beyond repair. But what if the only person that can make it better is the one that hurt it? Or is that just my wishful thinking? Because deep down I want it to still work out? I don't know anymore... Just thinking about the stress I dealt with when I was with him makes my chest hurt... And I just don't know if the trust will be able to come back.

Day 4: I'm so weak and impatient

      It was very difficult this morning, but I pushed myself to do 40 reps of the exercises I've been doing. That's the knee lifts, leg lift over the dip bar station into a back lunge, inverted push ups, and squats. I feel so weak now and it's so hard for me because this workout I'm doing I could easily have done 70 to 100 reps with minimal stopping before my disk slipped this last time. I struggled at 20 reps, and even though I had to take a lot of breaks, I manged to do 40 total on everything. I'm sure I'll be feeling it some in the morning, and I work in the morning for the first time in a while, so I don't think I'm going to workout at all tomorrow.. I may when I get off work. Not sure tho. We'll see how my day goes.
      After working out I did a good bit of homework today. Getting caught up on last week -.- and I did a power point presentation that's not due until Thursday. So the only thing I have left is one conference and my finals, which I can't take until Thursday and Friday. I don't think they will take me too long, but thankfully I went ahead and requested all of Thursday off, so it will be nice to rest, take it easy, read, and enjoy my day. Hopefully they wont be too bad. I'm kind of nervous because they are open book, and because of that there are no study guides at all, so I don't have any idea what I should know, and I feel like I could possibly do worse even with it open book. Ugh. I hate all the stress I have with school. A lot of the times I wonder if it's even worth it. I haven't gone one semester without crying my eyes out over something, and stressing and giving myself chest pains over things due. It's so much shit. But my problem is I'm a perfectionist.. I want to do well and I can't let myself get a B on anything. I don't even want to think about what I'd be like if that happens. I'm getting stressed just thinking about it. At least I'm about to have a month off, though I'm sure that month will go by a lot quicker than I want. As much as I'd like the idea of taking a semester off or a little break like that, I think it will do me worse than any good. I may enjoy it too much and want to take more time off and then I'll just remain stuck at the miserable shit hole of a job I work and that makes me almost cry to think about. Hopefully in the month I'm off I can not only look non- stop for a job, but get one and get the hell out of there.
      Well, I need to try and go to bed since I have work at 9. Blech.. I'm getting so used to sleeping in lately, which still isn't that late, but later than I will be waking up tomorrow, it may be difficult to get up lol... Maybe I'll wake up REALLY sick or something.. It'd be better than going in.
Good night all! <3

Day 3: Getting there slowly

      Well yesterday was definitely a fail as far as working out. lol. I was too busy working on school and attempting to get my laptop fixed. I would like to say my food consumption was good yesterday, but being preoccupied with other things, I kind of forgot to eat. So I had a granola bar when I woke up at 8am and I ended up going and getting some nachos from taco bell at about 8pm lol. Oh well. This morning I actually did work out and I'm proud of myself because I am sore and my back keeps popping when I do work out. I'm just trying the best I can to keep my back straight in everything I do, and so far it's not hurting me at all. I did the same workout as the other day with the knee lifts and then lifting my leg over the bar and going into a back lunge, and I did 30 reps of these today and still did the 20 inverted push ups and 20 squats. I'm thinking if it's not too insanely cold tomorrow I may go walking some.
      Ya know, I don't understand why it is so hard for a human to stay alone. I am recently single and I wasn't feeling too bad about it the first couple days, but now it's hitting me that I have no one to bitch about my day to and no one to text or call whenever. I guess the loneliness hit me this morning when I didn't have a text telling me good morning. What's so bad about being alone? It's just me. Is it that hard for me to be with myself for a little while? Am I really that bad to where I can't be left alone to my own thoughts? Apparently I am.. I don't know where along this life of mine I became so dependent on other people for my happiness, but it's incorrect. I need to be happy with myself somehow and get through my own battles before I can take someone else, and only God knows how many things I have to sort through. Geez, I used to be so strong and all of a sudden I'm such a pansy. I can't even type all this without crying non stop.. Ugh I need to go finish my school paper..

Just going to start over. Day 2, technically :)

       Well, it's been a while since I've been on here... Been going through a lot mentally, physically, and emotionally recently and it has just been too much for me. I felt in the midst of a breakdown and now I'm to the point of just being numb to everything. Thankfully school will be over next week, so I plan on working out a lot! I just got back into it yesterday morning and I started out pretty slow. Within the past few weeks that I have not been on here, that problem disk in my back slipped twice :/ Which put me out of working out this entire time. I wish I could say that my diet remained healthy, but I think as one begins to slack, the other does as well. I started out yesterday with my dip bar station and I did a knee lift, where you're holding yourself up on the bars and lifting your knees to your stomach, but most importantly, keeping your back straight. After the knee lift, I started with my right leg and kicked it over the bar and then went into a back lung. I repeated again for the other leg. I was only able to do about 20 total. Not working out for three weeks really affected me more than I thought. After doing those I just did 10 straight knee lifts and held myself up the whole time and then I did 20 inverted push ups and 20 squats. I felt pretty worn out from all that, so I think today I'm going to do the same workout and maybe try and add a couple more reps. I need to go attempt to catch up on my homework for now. I feel like I'm forever falling behind. Still 4 chapters behind and I have 5 questions to answer that have to be approximately half a page each, and it's due tonight. Hopefully I can answer the questions without the reading, which I have been able to do lately. I can't forget today that I have an induction ceremony for one of my honor societies online at 1! lol.. I forgot about one of them and ended up switching my schedule around and was at work during the first one :/ I was pretty upset, but there's nothing I can do about it. Hopefully I don't get too wrapped up in my school that I miss this one too! hehe.
       I hope everyone has a good day, and perhaps I will be on later to record my successes/ failures of working out.

~Lauren

Day 14: Didn't want to get up lol

      Well yesterday was definitely a busy day! I slept in, which I needed, and when I woke up I went downstairs and made all the icing for the cake decorating class and iced the cake I was bringing. That took a while, and once I finished all that I went and showered and got ready, grabbed a salad at Wendy's, went to the store for a few things, and then went to the chiropractor. By the time I got home, I had about an hour to work on homework before I had to leave for the class. lol. I did get to work out yesterday! I kind of combined what I've been doing with the other one I started because of my neck problem. I did 40 reps of lifting my leg over the dip bar into a back lung and into a knee lift, I did 40 squats and 40 inverted push ups. I thought it was a pretty good day. Wish I had more time for school work, but I knew it was going to be busy, so it's okay. The cake class went really well. I'm so happy with the final cake! And now I'm really excited for the next classes! I'm going to be taking fondant and gumpaste next and everyone says it's basically play doh for adults haha. So I think it will be a lot of fun.
      This morning I was suppose to wake up at 7 so I could work out and I just didn't want to wake up, so I slept in instead -.- Maybe after work I'll do a light workout but I dunno. lol. Gotta go! Hope everyone has a great day <3

Day 13: Buh.. Maybe I'm just not meant to do this.

        Well I took it very easy on working out yesterday, and my legs have been sore a lot lately I think just because of how much I've been overworking them. I went to work, and it was a rough night last night. I went to bed and about 3 am, I woke up sick and on top of that, I had a bloody nose :/ One of the other reasons I hate the winter lol. Thankfully I was able to fall asleep pretty easily again, but I woke up around 8 or so, and I just felt drained and still so sick. so I went ahead and skipped the workout for today. When I was getting ready for work, I noticed I have two VERY black bruises on my legs, and I'm not sure what it's from. I don't remember running into something so hard to make my leg that bruised... the only thing I can think of is I possibly bruised my muscles really bad from straining them too much.. I hear that could be really unlikely though, so I have no idea what I did... Was another rough day at work, and I'm glad to be home and getting ready for bed. My neck is still pretty sore, and I'm looking forward to going to the chiropractor in the morning! We'll see if I'm well enough to try working out some more.. I hope so! I still have icing to make for my cake and my classes start tomorrow! So it will be a busy day. Maybe I'll go walking or something. If I have time. Just in one class, I have to read 5 chapters! Seriously? The first week and that's only one class... I'm afraid to see the other one..
       As much as I would like to sleep in, I think I need to wake up early so I can get going on a busy day off.
Hope everyone has a good night and a good day tomorrow :)
<3

Day 12: Having to go easy again.

        Well since my last post, I had some pain in my neck and shoulder area. I kind of ignored it Wednesday night thinking it wasn't anything big, and the next day when I wake up, I'm in tears... I still managed to get through my whole shift on Thursday, and had to go to the chiropractor after work to have him check it out. So needless to say, I didn't do any working out. When I got home that night I put some ice on it and went to bed. The next day I didn't work out either because it was still sore and it was truck day, so I don't usually like to workout on Fridays. I went again to the chiropractor after work, and it has been helping pretty good. This morning I woke up a little later than I was planning but I was really tired, so I just let myself sleep in. I tried to do a little working out, but nothing to stress my neck and shoulders too bad, so I ended up doing my last weeks workout where I lifted one leg over the handle of the dip bar station, go into a back lunge, and then go into a knee lift. I only did 40 of them. Then I got one of my 10 lb weights and held it out in front of me, and raised it over my head as I lowered into a squat. Those were pretty difficult so I only did 10 of them. I focused a lot on stretching before I worked out today, and I think it helped a good bit. My back and neck are pretty sore at the moment, but hopefully I will be good tomorrow. I should probably put some ice on my neck tonight, but I'm so drained from work I just want to go pass out now.

Hope everyone has had a good Saturday night <3

Day 11: Need an easy day :/

      Well doing 70 squats one day and then 80 the next and working 8 hour days, tends to make ones legs hurt pretty bad... I was going to go walking this morning and take it easy, but it's raining and knowing my clutsy ass, I wouldn't be able to walk a few steps without falling. So I began trying my usual workout, but I couldn't. I was able to do 10 squats and after 5, my legs were shaking.. So I'm just going to take a little break on that today and hopefully tomorrow I can do more. I was able to do 20 inverted push ups and then I did 20 knee lifts for a core workout. So I think that's about it for today. I think it may just be the weather has me kind of down today, so I'm going to read some and probably get a head start on my classes that start next week. Sad I know. I have a week off of school, and what do I do? Do the work anyways lol.

Hope everyone has a great day <3

Day 10: Oh the pain!

       Well yesterday I did a total of 70 squats and 70 inverted push ups on the dip bar station, and wow am I feeling the pain this morning. I'm glad I remained pretty lazy for the most part yesterday lol. I went to the cake decorating class last night and I don't know if I'm actually getting the hang of cake decorating or if what we went over was just easier, but I felt I did really well on most of the things we did. It really is fun. I think once I'm done with the classes, I'm going to start trying to practice at home more so I can keep improving. After the class I finally had a good night with the man :)) Things have been rough, but I'm hoping they will just keep going up from here. <3
       So this morning I woke up at a little after 8 and read until 8:30. Then I made my self get up and start working out even though I was already sore. But I wanted to keep pushing and keep improving more each day, so I did :) I went a lot slower today obviously. After 40 squats and push ups, my legs were shaking, so I sat for a couple minutes between each set of ten. BUT I finally made it to 80 total for squats and push ups! I'm very proud of myself and very sore, so the next 8 hours of work should be fun! yaaayy. lol

Well... lol

        Well I had a feeling that was going to be too much at once for me and I was right. I attempted to do the workout I described and I did one full rep and my legs were so sore from the working out I did already, they began shaking again. And my lower back started hurting bad, so that's when I know it's time to stop. So instead of doing that workout, I did a few different things with my 10 lb weights and did a few yoga moves. And I am done for the day! Bout to go hop in the shower, make some lunch, cook some food for later, clean up my room, and get ready for my cake decorating class.

Hope everyone has a great day today! I feel my mood is already going up from where it has been the past couple weeks, so hopefully I can keep it this way.. My alternative that I have been contemplating is going to the doctor for medication... and with my history of medications and them not working or being allergic too, I don't really want to go that route lol.



Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.

Day 9? Losing track of my postings lol

         So it's been a while since I last posted. Things have just been too crazy personally and work related and I haven't had a chance. I continued last week with the same workout and attempted to increase the length each day. It went pretty well. Wednesday morning I ended up lasting for 12 minutes total, so I was proud that I was able to increase another 4 minutes :) Wednesday I didn't get home from work until 9:45 ish and I had work at 5 am the next day :/ and I was doing stock all day on Thursday, so there was no working out for me that day. Friday was the same situation where it was a 5 am day and again stock all day, and truck day at work is plenty workout for me. Saturday I was pretty lazy I have to admit. I've been having a difficult time staying motivated just because I've been pretty down lately. I'm trying hard to push through it, but it's been difficult the past couple weeks. So I laid around and read a book for a while, and I did do some working out, but I didn't go as intense as usual. I did the same workout I've been doing but I only did about 10 minutes total. Once I did the workout, I worked on a paper that was due that night, ran some errands and got ready for a wedding. Left the wedding early at about 9 pm so I could go home and finish my paper. Yesterday I didn't do any working out. Read some when I woke up and then Lindsay and her son Jayden came over to my house and we baked cupcakes for my cake decorating class tonight, and also made all the icings we needed. The cupcakes turned out really good. we tried to do a vanilla and chocolate marble, but it didn't marble. There's just chocolate on top of them lol. Once we made everything, probably took a couple hours or so, we went up to Discover mills in search of toys for her daughter. Did a good bit of window shopping and found a book that I'm going to be reading for my social science club for school, so I got that. I also saw in the middle of the main walkways in the mall, a place to get your teeth whitened. I know I do have pretty good teeth, but I've always been interested in getting it done and for the weekends they have specials where it is only $50, so I think with my next paycheck when I see that deal again I'm going to get it done :) Once we were done at the mall, we went and grabbed some lunch, and I was pretty bad lol. We went to Zaxby's and I got the chicken finger plate. I can't knock myself too bad for that because that was the only thing I ate all day aside from a small granola bar in the morning. After lunch we went back to her house and I spent some time there with her and the kids. They were really cute the whole day. Her daughter Layla, doesn't really know me very well, so she's never interacted with me, or wanted to be around me, but she seemed to like me yesterday. We were bouncing on the bed and I tickled her a lot, and she was sitting in my lap. She was so cute. When it was time for me to leave, I was walking upstairs and she grabbed my hand and was walking with me, which apparently she does not like to hold anyone's hand hehe. And then she tried to get in my car and go home with me :) She didn't want me to get in my car, so she did have me walk a little ways around the neighborhood with her and Jayden followed us too haha. Finally when I got in the car, she crawled in and threw a fit when they tried taking her out. Then I just went home and read the rest of the night.
           This morning is the start of a new workout and hopefully I will stay motivated on it and not slack towards the end like I did last week. I woke up and went to the chiropractor and oh was it great. I definitely needed it. Then I ran some errands with my dad, got home and was a little lazy looking around online and searching jobs. When I checked my email this morning, I got an invitation for another honor society! I'm so excited. I got one a couple weeks ago and it was just a generally honor society for non- traditional students, and this one is specifically for psychology majors, so I'm very excited about it. I printed out everything I need to, and later on I'll fill out the info for it and mail it in :)
           I went to the bodyrock.tv/ website and found a good workout that has drained me in 6 minutes! lol. It's suppose to only last 12 minutes and the objective is to do as many reps as possible in the 12 minutes. I couldn't do the full workout as the website because I don't have a sandbag weight thing, so what I did was 10 regular squats and then went to the dip bar station and did 10 inverted push- ups. After 6 minutes, I was able to do 7 reps each equally 70 squats and 70 inverted push ups and has left me legs shaking! I was going to go walking around a park as well, but I think I'll give it a rest today. I'm already impressed with how many I did, because I did not think I would go that long without stopping. I've been breaking from those 6 grueling minutes for about 30 minutes now, and I think I'm going to do an additional workout on top of it and do both all week.
          Well after going through the website, I found another workout that I'm going to attempt on top of what I just did. It's a side lunge and push up combo and if I can do at least 10 reps of these I will be happy lol. I'm going to start in a side lunge position and bend my knee down to do 10 reps on that one leg, from there, go into the plank position and do three push ups, from this, I have to go back into the side lunge position and do five jump lunges. And all that would be considered half a rep. Then I must repeat all that for the other leg to make a full rep. Soooo... we'll see lol. I'm going to go attempt this now and I'll post my progress or lack of :p

Day 8: I have a plan!

        So I decided what I am going to do for working out, is pick one workout that is some what difficult and works the whole body and do that one workout for a full week and then the next week going on to a different workout. That way, the first day of the new workout I can go a little light and gradually bring myself to the full amount of reps that the website shows by the end of the week. And then if I continue to with one workout a week, I still won't get bored with it and stop. Hopefully it works! Yesterday I Kept going with the lifting my leg over the dip bar station and going into a back lunge and up into a knee lift on the dip bar. What I did to increase from the day before was I went 4 minutes straight again and only took a minute break in between and did another 4 minutes. I was still incredibly worn out after the minute was up and those last 4 minutes was very difficult. Who knew that 8 minutes of working out could whip your ass so bad?? LOL. I had a very busy day on Monday, which is why I didn't have time to post. I woke up and within 20 minutes left for the chiropractor. I ended up running a couple errands with my dad and when I got home did my grueling 8 minutes of working out lol. I then immediately hopped in the shower and went and got lunch with my friend Alex from high school. THEN I preceded to go to Kohl's where I found a REALLY cute dress for the wedding I'm going to on Saturday and a great pair of jeans. Looking back I prolly should have waited to go to Kohl's because of how tight I was on time lol. Once I left there, I went to the store to buy cake mix and eggs for the cake I had to bake for class THAT night. So I got home about 3:30 ish and started baking TWO cakes for the class that started at 6:30. I was definitely pressed for time -.- I literally got the last cake out of the oven about 5 minutes before I left for the class. So the cake class went pretty well I think. Cake decorating is definitely harder than it looks! The instructor said another reason it was harder for me and Lindsay was because the cakes were so fresh. So after the class, I got home about 9 or so, got to see the man for a little bit and I passed out.
        Today I had some issues lol -.- My plan was to wake up at 7am and that would give me time to do my workout and shower before I go into work. Well... I ended up setting my alarm clock for 7pm instead haha. So thankfully someone I work with decided to text me at 7:30 this morning to inform me she called out. If she hadn't have texted me, I would have been probably very late for work because I was tired from the day before. So thankfully the only time I lost was my workout time, so I got ready and went to work. Once I left work I went and got my hair cut. Nothing too drastic. Got about an inch taken off the bottom and got layers added in. I wanted it to look a little better for the wedding. once Talan got off work, he wanted to get his hair cut too, so I went and sat with him while he got his done. So by the time I got home, it was late and I needed to do laundry so I have clothes to wear to work tomorrow, so no working out today :/ I was a little bad today with eating as well -.- So I'm planning on actually waking up at 7 and doing extra working out to make up for missing today.
        So work has been a little crazy lately. On Saturday a chipmunk decided to come into the store and was just running ALL over the place! One minute he'd be in the front and then I'd hear a customer scream in the back and then minutes later another scream in the middle. It was pretty entertaining to say the least. I almost caught him a few times, but then I gave up for the day. When it was getting close to closing that night, an associate said we had him cornered basically under a shelf, so we blocked off the section he could escape so he wouldn't roam the store and eat all the candy at night. So when I get to work on Sunday, I brought in a trap my family had from our horror story of having a squirrel loose in the house, and by the time I got there with the trap, a stupid little kid decided to mess with our little set up and the chipmunk escaped and was roaming the store once again. I must say he is a smart little guy because here it is Tuesday night, and he has yet to be caught. But he has yet to leave the store either lol. Hopefully we can get him tomorrow, so we can get him outside. My step mom said squirrels like Snickers bars (haha), so if he's not in the cage when I come in at 1, I'll put a snickers in there and see if that works.
       Well I think that is all the craziness for the past couple days! Hopefully I really wake up at 7 and get a good workout and do some school work!
        Have a good night everyone! <3

Day 7: Slowly starting up again

               Well I ended up taking two days off from working out and I have to say I felt a dramatic drop in my mood the past two days, so I felt like I should do at least a little bit of working out this morning to try and help that. Yesterday was truck day and of course as soon as I walk in, who is there? The AUDITOR. yay. We passed and that's all that matters! That was a huge weight lifted off everyone's shoulders because it had been over 2 years since we last got audited and were supposed to every year. So I unloaded the truck and worked some freight, so I got a little bit of a workout yesterday just from that.
               I don't know what was going on Thursday night, but I couldn't sleep at all.. I would be lucky to get about 2 or 3 hours of sleep, so last night I hit a wall at about 9 o'clock. I was completely out before ten and was loudly awaken by a smoke detector! I didn't know what it was at first because I was in such a deep sleep. My first reaction was to look at my alarm clock haha. It was 2 am though, so I know it wasn't that. I glanced around my room and outside my room, and it didn't seem like anyone else woke up, so then I was thinking I was hearing things and laid back down. About 10 minutes later I notice my door is open and I look over and my dad is there and asked if I heard the loud beep. So at least I knew I didn't imagine it! About thirty minutes later it goes off again and then another thirty minutes later, so my parents took it down. I think it was the battery going dead, but it didn't chirp like most smoke detectors, but a long drawn out beep. It was really cute though because my cat was worried something was going on and she was sitting alert in front of my bed if I was laying there, and when I went outside my room she kept following me and looked ready to attack. So once we got that one smoke detector situated, we all went back to bed, this was about 3 am at this point, and about thirty minutes later, ANOTHER smoke detector starts going off. So it's about 4:30- 5 before we get that one situated and we all get back in bed. I should have known that crazy night was a prewarning to my crazy day to follow. So I was able to fall back asleep, but I didn't really catch up from the night before, but I got up anyways and started a kind of light workout, but still intense.
              I did knee lifts over the dip station into a back lunge and then up into a knee raise and did that for 4 minutes straight. I did take a little bit of a break and did it again for another 4 minutes. It's hard to believe that such a little workout can wear you out so much! I did a couple other little things and a few yoga poses and that was it for the day. I then got ready for work and faced the craziness there! As soon as I walk in the store, I find out there is a chipmunk running around the store. So all night, that's all I heard from customers. Or they would scream when they saw it. I saw him a few times and each time, I almost forgot and all of a sudden he would be right next to me, and I'd scream too lol. So my day was spent running around doing stock, cleaning, and a few times attempting to catch the chipmunk, which didn't work. Then, as if that wasn't crazy enough, I had some issues in the office and had to call another manager that was closing in to help me and we had to call the store manager. It was a mess and I swear I was going to have a heart attack. Thankfully everything was found by the end of the night, but resulted in us getting out pretty late. As were leaving we see the chipmunk again. We had him cornered under a shelf, and put a clear container over the part, so he couldn't run around all night and eat the candy at the registers. And one of the girls put trail mix in there for him, and when we were leaving, another wanted to put water in there haha. It was silly. Hopefully we can catch the little critter tomorrow. If they keep him in the shelf tomorrow morning, I'm going to bring a trap in that we have from when we had a squirrel loose in the house. And hopefully we'll get him and get to put him back outside. Definitely a lot going on and I definitely want to go to bed now! I am so drained. Hopefully tomorrow isn't another crazy day. Good night everyone!

Day 6: Taking a break :/

Well I haven't figured out exactly what's wrong, but ever since I started working out, I've been getting incredibly dizzy most of the day and I am still in a good bit of pain. I think some of the problem is for some reason my appetite has not increased in the slightest even though I am burning many more calories and my body is having a hard time with the calories I have left. I don't really know what to do besides try to force myself to eat more, but that's pretty difficult for me. I already noticed today without working out, my appetite is larger than normal, so that's good and hopefully it will remain a little larger so I can keep working out. I'm going to go to the store and get a multi- vitamin also to see if that helps.
So I took today off from working out, and I'm not going to work out tomorrow either because it is truck day at work, and that is a good work out! lol. I just finished my paper for school, so I'm going to go take a shower and try to go to bed. I definitely have a weight lifted off, having the paper turned in because I am going to have a busy week! I still need to go grocery shopping, I need to get things for my cake class on Monday, bake a cake with Lindsay and make the icing, I somewhere in there need to get my hair trimmed and layered, go dress shopping for a wedding. aaahhhhhh. lol. And I still have ANOTHER paper due next week! Ugh, the bed is sounding awfully nice at the moment :)
Have a good night everyone!

<3

Day 5: Not again...

Well I went to work yesterday, and every time I bent down for something or twisted my back a certain way, I got a sharp pain in my lower back where I got a slipped disc :/ I dunno if it's all the working out I've been doing or not, so I'm only going to do a couple workouts this morning. Maybe some knee lifts and back lunges and some inverted push ups, and I think that will be it for the day :( I have work this afternoon and hopefully I don't do anything to aggravate my back because I definitely don't want to go through that pain again! I'm thinking the workout won't take me too long, so I'm going to do some homework the rest of the morning until I have to get ready for work.
On a side note, if you have never read Mistress of a Revolution by Catherine Delors, I HIGHLY recommend it. It started off a little slow and was unsure if I'd like it, but as it progressed, I have a VERY difficult time putting it down. I still have about 80 pages left to read and I am certain I will finish it today somewhere in between homework and work lol.

Day 4: little light today

       Well this morning is my first day back at work from my three day weekend and my first day of a 6 day streak of work. So I wanted to go a little easy on the workout today and save the intense things for my days off and when I close. I woke up an hour before I have to get ready for work, and after sitting for a few minutes to wake up, I began doing the first workout I ever did with the dip station; the dive bomber and knee lifts. Still having a hard time with them, but I did go a little longer on doing them before I stopped, so that's good. After that, I did the back lunges and knee lifts from yesterday's workout, and some inverted pushups using the dip station. I lifted my 10 lb weights some and did three yoga poses, and I think I am done for the day! Took about 30 minutes to do everything, and now I'm sitting here with a granola bar and some chocolate milk before I have to hop in the shower and go to work.
       Oh, last night was my first cake decorating class and I think it went great! I had a lot of fun with my friend Lindsay and I think I did pretty good decorating the cookies. I was a little bad and ate 2 of the cookies, but hopefully I will try and not eat everything I make! next week I have to make a cake and homemade icing :o
Should be interesting! I'm going to get a vanilla cake mix and ad nerds to it to make a confetti cake and then maybe use some nerds for the topping as sprinkles. Sounds great! And hopefully I don't eat more than one or two pieces! LOL
Hope everyone has a great day!

Hell YES! lol

          So for those who don't know me, I got to school full time online. And I was having much difficulty in my classes this semester in particular, which has lead me to drop a class. I have maintained a 3.75 GPA for the past year and a half, and I want to stay as close to that as possible. I made the dean's list for last year and it felt so great to get that certificate, I want to keep getting them. When making the dean's list, I also had a great opportunity sent to me to be a part of an honor society, which means scholarships! I have had a very difficult time getting any type of help besides loans and when I first started, I didn't even get that. As I've made much progress in school, this semester was still worrying me. It is mandatory for me to take a writing class for my degree, even though I have written MANY essays in past classes and never made a B. A class I was thinking was going to be a piece of cake, has shown to be kind of difficult. Mainly because I am not used to writing in the way the professor asked. And after what I feel like I have been struggling throughout the 8 week course, I got my first paper back and it was a 95!! I couldn't be more excited, because as much as I am trying, I didn't think I was still getting everything the professor was wanting. I was completely anticipating a B in this class, which as much as it would have upset me, it's better than a C. So now with this grade, I am more than confident I can pull an A :)
        I sometimes wonder how I handle all the things I have going on. Along with school full time and doing well at it, I'm in a social science club online for school, I stay stressed at my full time job all the time, I take cake decorating classes AND now I'm working out everyday in hopes of being in a race next year. How do I have time to read so many books?? Lol. And I need to learn Spanish! haha.
One thing is for sure, I'm not giving up on giving myself a better future! I have struggled for a while, and I'm not going to let myself give up and remain stuck in the rut I have always been.

"Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be."

Day 3: This is NOT easy lol...

I woke up this morning around 9, laid around lazy for a little bit and went to the chiropractor and my goodness did I need it! I preceded to be a little lazy and read some and then decided to start working out.
I first started with some stretches before anything. One that I found that I think I will continue to do because it may help my back some, is called a bridge.

I decided to check out this one workout on bodyrock.tv/ called the wicked things workout and after attempting it, I can see why it's called that. I started with a jump lunge and swing, which wasn't too bad only because I don't have a medicine ball yet :) After 10 reps on each side of that, I continued on to a diagonal knee lift of 20 reps total, which also wasn't too bad. My upper arms are kind of sore from it, but I know it will be easier as I gain more muscle there. Now comes the trickier part of the workout. A side plank leg lift. It's bad enough a side plank is difficult for me, again I suppose because of my not very strong upper half, but lifting the leg while in this position has proven to be difficult.

I was able to do 5 on each side and that's all.
The next workout is called a pike press and knee tuck, which is pretty hard because I have to rely on my arms so much.Once you are in a pike position, you have to manage to go down in a push up position while tucking your leg in.

I was able to do 10 reps for each leg, which surprised me!
The last exercise is a leg swing, back lunge, knee raise. These I actually had kinda fun with. I didn't feel the pain until AFTER doing many. lol.

Once you swing your leg over the dip station, you go directly into a back lunge and then pull yourself up into a knee raise. The knee raises are where you hold yourself up on the dip station and lift your legs to your stomach. I was surprisingly able to do about 30 reps total for this one, but I am more than feeling the burn now.
As if I haven't tortured myself for the day, I decided to lift my 10 lb weights as well. As tired as I was, I am very surprised to see how much easier I am lifting them and was able to do more reps than even a few days ago. I think I am done exercising for the day as my arms are shaking from the workout. Gonna take a nice how shower and do some homework! Gotta keep that A average ;)
Later on tonight I am excited to start a cake decorating class! Hopefully I won't indulge too much on the sweets and keep on my streak. Who knows, maybe I can make a career out of cake decorating one day :))

Day 2: Definitely sore

              Well most of yesterday I was definitely feeling pain already from the workout, so I took a nice hot epsom alt bath which was AMAZING! If anyone has never had one, you need to go buy some epsom salt and DO IT! lol. After the bath last night, I passed out and woke up this morning at 9 am. Little late for me, but I was still quite sore. Still decided to be a little lazy this morning since it's a day off, and I laid around and read some. Then I went up to the Heritage Center and walked some nature trails. I was there probably about an hour, and then went home and ate a chicken salad. After a nice break I am attempting to do the same workout I did yesterday, but I am in still much pain! I'm not going to give up though. I need to keep pushing myself. I think I will need another epsom salt bath tonight and I get to go to the chiropractor in the morning. I'm kind of excited because my dad brought up his interest in the Heritage Center, so he said he would go walking with me tomorrow :)
              I'm off to go attempt this workout some more! Will post my progress after! Wish me luck!

Day 1 of an intense workout!

Okay, so I recently got a new workout station called a dip station and I have been following daily workouts on www.bodyrock.tv/
           This is the first day of my three day weekend off of work, so when I woke up this morning and decided to be a little lazy and read for about an hour, then got up and began my workout. A workout that is supposed to only take me 10 minutes took 20, but I need to pace myself and not push too hard. The workout consists of a dive bomber and a knee raise, and from the video looks pretty easy, but I was mistaken. The longest I was able to maintain the workout was two minutes and then had to take a two minute break. So I continued to do that until I reached the 10 minutes I needed to do. After resting I ate a granola bar, and I am about to lift some weights and do some yoga, and I think that will be all for the day!  After a nice hot shower and eating a chicken salad for lunch, I must do homework the rest of the day! Fun!

         For those who don't know, the top picture is the dip station. The next picture obviously is me and my starting photo that I will look back on to see my progress. The next picture is a knee lift, and for those like myself who don't have much upper body strength, it sucks! Hopefully I will feel the pain tomorrow morning! :)

This is me, now :)

               For those of you who don't know me, I would like to give a brief overview of me and my life thus far. I am 25, and though I am young, I have suffered a lot over the years. My mother passed away when I was 18 and she suffered greatly her entire life from a mental illness called Bipolar Disorder. Since that time, I have been through a lot mentally and emotionally and have been attempting to sort through the chaos in my mind. My mother's death was unexpected and had a great impact on me. For those of you who don't know about Bipolar Disorder, it is a mood disorder where the person can range from manic to depressed rapidly and there's many different versions of the disorder, making it difficult to diagnose. Sometimes the littlest thing can set someone into either mood and my mother was unfortunate to have a severe case of it. This disorder is also genetic and can be passed down through generations,so yes, I am Bipolar as well. I am more fortunate in a way that I have a completely different type than my mother did and it doesn't affect me as badly. When my mother passed, I spiraled down into a deep depression and eventually years later got help for it. After two years of many different types of medicines that did nothing or had a bad reaction to, I gave up on medical treatment and have thus been seeking a more natural way to feel better. For the past year I have taken an herbal supplement, began eating better, and started working out frequently, and those combined have lead me to feel better than I ever have.
               So now here I am, starting a blog, and recording my progress and daily activities in hope of continuing to motivate myself to do better and ultimately be a better person. I have recently suffered a back injury from work, which put me basically bed rest for two weeks. And two months later, I am just now getting back into working out. So while it may be slow going at first, one of my goals is to participate in a race next year called the Warrior Dash :) There are many obstacles in my way, but hopefully I can tread over them and continue on.

RIP Mary Jo Fedigan <3